


Welcome to the Madhouse

by AgentMalkere



Series: One Word to Change the World [8]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cubelios would like another rat, Gen, Natsu doesn't listen well, belladonna neat, how many bar fights can there be in an hour, so much broken furniture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMalkere/pseuds/AgentMalkere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy's dream of joining Fairy Tail has finally come true, but from the looks of things these wizards are even crazier than Sorcerer Weekly implied. And that just might make it perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to the Madhouse

Lucy was beyond thrilled. And kind of terrified. She was officially a member of _Fairy Tail_. Just like she had always dreamed. She had the pink guild mark on the back of her hand to prove it! It was just… well… 

These people were nuts. 

She probably should have expected it after all the articles she had read in Sorcerer Weekly but still. It was kind of overwhelming in person. Natsu had basically walked in the door and started a brawl. What the hell had she signed up for? There was a woman drinking alcohol directly out of the barrel. A white haired fellow yelling about manliness. Loke, whom she had read about, had an entire posse of women following him and had promptly run away the instant he had realized she was a celestial wizard. And Master Makarov could apparently turn into a giant shadow demon thing _at will_. Yikes. But it was also kind of exciting. That was one hell of a motivational speech that the master had given. 

Now that the brawl was over various members were helping to pick up the pieces of the broken tables. Lucy wandered over to the bar and sat down, still admiring her guild mark. 

“So I hear you’re new.” 

Lucy startled slightly and looked to her left. Another mage was sitting on the stool next to her. He had tanned skin, spiky coffee hair, and for some reason slightly pointed ears. He looked to be around Lucy’s age. A pair of headphones hung around his neck, and he wore a long white coat. His expression was calm as he extended one hand toward her.

“Uh, yeah. I’m Lucy.” She shook his hand hesitantly. He was kind of cute.

“Erik Zmeya. Nice to meet you.” He gave her a small smile and released her hand. “And this is Cubelios.” 

Lucy blinked. 

“Huh?” Why was he gesturing at the floor? Then she looked down. “OH MY GOD!!!” she shrieked as a _giant purple snake_ lifted its head and flickered its tongue at her. Erik winced at the volume of her scream. The snake rose up to shoulder height, and Erik scratched it under its chin. It had wings. 

“Don’t worry – she’d never bite another guild member.” 

Lucy’s eye twitched. Definitely crossing him off the potential boyfriend list.

“Oh… good…,” she finally managed to respond weakly. It was weird. Erik was the only guy she’d ever met, aside from Natsu, whose eyes never once drifted down to her cleavage while talking to her. Maybe they were both broken. Or being in a guild with so many busty women had managed to completely desensitize them.

Erik extended one hand to catch Mirajane’s attention. 

“One belladonna neat and another rat for Cubelios, please.” The snake hissed softly, and Erik grinned. “Make that two rats.” 

“Coming right up!” 

Lucy watched in morbid fascination as Erik patted Cubelios’s head. Cubelios unfurled her wings slightly – just enough that Lucy could make out the pale lavender guild mark on the webbing of the right one. 

Wait. Hold on a sec…. 

“Belladonna? You’re drinking _poison_?!” 

Erik blinked at her. 

“Well, yeah….” 

Before Lucy could sputter out any sort of response to this, the guild doors burst open and three new wizards entered – a woman and two young men. 

“WE’RE BACK! And look who we found on our way home!” The woman had long straight black hair that came down to her waist and wore a short, royal blue yukata over dark leggings. The two young men looked to be about the same age, one with black hair, the other with white. Between the two young men was draped a fourth person – a man with slicked back navy hair. He looked fairly injured. 

“DAD!” A small boy went sprinting across the guildhall with tears in his eyes.

“Hey, Romeo,” the man gave his son a bruised grin as he was lowered onto a chair. “Sorry, I’m late getting home.” 

The woman gave the back of his head a light smack, 

“Next time you need to deal with more than nineteen Vulcans take someone else with you.” 

The man just nodded, too busy hugging his son to respond. 

“Aw, man,” the black haired young man put his hands on his hips, surveying the wreckage from the earlier fight. “Did we miss the three o’clock bar brawl?” 

The white haired young man rolled his eyes, 

“We wouldn’t have if we hadn’t had to go back to look for your pants. _Twice_.” 

“And speaking of your pants,” added the woman, “put them back on, Gray.” 

“What the-? Aw, damn it!”

Lucy gaped. She could have sworn Gray was fully dressed when he walked in the door. 

“Who are they?” she asked, turning back to Erik, and cringed. 

He was busy feeding Cubelios a rat. Whole. 

_Gross._

“Hmm? Oh, that’s the Ice Djinn Trio. Ultear Milkovich is the team leader. And then that’s Gray Fullbuster with the black hair and Lyon Vastia with the white. They’re all ice maker wizards.” Erik took a sip of his sickly green drink and hummed contentedly to himself. “Lyon’s generally pretty quiet.” 

Lucy wasn’t sure why that seemed to be particularly important to Erik but okay. She had heard of Ultear Milkovich. Man, there were a lot of well-known wizards in Fairy Tail. 

“Hey, hey! Lousy!” 

Lucy scowled at Natsu, but before she could correct him Erik beat her to it. 

“She said her name was _Lucy_ , you flame-brained moron. You never listen.” 

“I do so listen, you pointy-eared bastard! At least I don’t claim that a flying snake is a _dragon_!” 

“CUBELIOS IS SO A DRAGON!” And Erik leapt off his stool, fingers curled like claws and aiming for Natsu’s throat. 

Cue the second bar brawl within less than an hour of Lucy’s arrival. 

Less than an hour after that, Lucy was getting ready to leave on her first ever job as a full-fledged guild wizard along with Natsu and Happy. Something about a book.

Well, she could say one thing for certain – things were definitely never going to be dull around this guild. And that was just fine by her.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Zmeya' is the Russian word for snake, and I thought it suited Erik since he has no last name given in canon.


End file.
